My Wordsmith Vantage Point

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

My 2014 Resolutions

Happy New Year 2014

Happy New Year Happy People!

With each passing new year, many people like to start fresh—well, some. Personally, I like to set at least one goal for myself to achieve throughout the year. Here are my resolutions for 2014:

  1. Spend more quality time with my son and doing the things he’s most interested in.
  2. Pray more often.
  3. Improve upon my relationships with my family, close friends, and boyfriend.
  4. Be more peaceful.
  5. Travel to one place that I’ve never been.
  6. Read at least 20 minutes a day.
  7. Learn one new skill: Possibly mixology or chess.
  8. Be less judgmental on myself and others.

Most of my goals are 70-90% attainable. I’ve even achieved resolution #5 back in 2012. Hence, I’m confident I can reach all of my goals this coming year. And you can too! Your list doesn’t need to be complicated or lengthy. Honestly, the shorter the better. Start small so your objectives aren’t so overwhelming—that’s how I did it.

Tell me your goals for 2014?

Enjoy!

~Anita

Follow Anita on Twitter: @Emranija

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The Importance of the 80/20 Rule in Relationships

Greetings Groovy Readers:

Ever since Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married movie came out, the 80/20 rule was brought to the forefront. The rule states that you only get 80% of what you need in a healthy relationship and the missing 20% is what you hoped to find in your partner. This small percentage may cause a person to cheat. After some research, I found that this is a mythical movie rule and probably taken from the Pareto Principle. Nevertheless, it’s a practical rule to follow.

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If you haven’t noticed my last few blogs of 2013 have been about relationships. The titled rule suggests that one should preserve the healthy relationships as well as nurturing and recognizing the 80% received in them, instead of seeking out new ones that fulfills the remaining 20%. I couldn’t agree more!

I believe in focusing on the relationships that I do have and nurturing the bond there. It’s important to maintaining good relationships with the people who share my core values. And when it comes to a romantic relationship, cheating is not an option. I’d rather breakup than disrespect my partner; however, there are many who don’t. My question for those who cheat for that 20% is: Is it worth it?

I’m not saying that in every relationship the 80% is there or that the 20% won’t give you more. What I am saying is that you should appreciate and respect what you do have. Understanding this rule will help you navigate the ups and downs of relationships.

Often times, some of the biggest challenges stem from people entering into a relationship to solely get something out of it. People want to find someone who’s going to make them feel good and there’s nothing wrong with that but only if it’s the sole goal. Let’s face it, the only way a relationship will last past the first date is if you view a relationship as a place–a place where you give and explore, and not just take. In my opinion, when you’re in a healthy place in your life, it gives just about any relationship a good chance of survival. There’s no point pursuing anything when you aren’t mentally or emotionally ready.

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Remember, only you have the power to work on the 80% while the remaining 20% will be a joint effort to build a relationship that lasts. Recognizing your own needs versus your need/want from a relationship is key in the 80/20 rule.

Enjoy!

~Anita

Follow Anita on Twitter: @Emranija

Resources: A New Twist on the 80/20 Rule for Relationships

True Friendship

Recently, a life event and Simon Sinek’s Askmen.com discussion on true friendship inspired me to pen this blog. Two questions came to mind: What is a true friendship? What makes your friends your friends?

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t use the word “friend” loosely. In fact, I use it sparingly like saying “I love you.” IMHO, a true friend is someone who understands, respects, values, loves, and is vulnerable with you. Time and distance doesn’t play a major factor in your relationship—in fact, these things only show the strength of your bond.

For example, my best friend (of nearly 15 years), Mark, and I have an unspoken bond where we are brutally honest and open, and have a mutual love and respect for each other. Even though there is nearly 800 miles separating us, we don’t need constant contact to know that we’ll always be there for one another. He knows that I’ll give my all to see that he’s happy and healthy. And I know he’ll give it to me straight when I’m acting silly. Above all, we are there when it counts the most and accepted each other for who we are.

Over the years, I’ve assumed a few people were my friend, but they didn’t share or show that sentiment about me. It’s important to know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. To me, a true friendship doesn’t solely rely on impromptu favors, good times, venting sessions, and convenience. There is an element of selflessness to being a true friend and not many people recognize that.

And for those “friends” that don’t exactly meet the above expectation, I invest no more than they do in our relationship. A ROI is an important aspect that people shouldn’t overlook. I mean this from a place of self-interest/survival. To spare yourself heartache, you should evaluate the significance of every relationship and it’s position in your life. As for acquaintances, they have their place and they aren’t privy to the more vulnerable parts of me.

A true friend will know better than to take advantage of you or take you entirely for granted. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but if it happens too often…well, then you’ll need to re-evaluate your friendship status. Comic writer/editor Len Wein said it best, “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.”

Calvin & Hobbs

With the enormous evolution of social media over the last decade, the definition of a true friendship gets lost in the fray of the world. The lesson to learn is more of a reminder: Don’t confuse weak bonds you have with some with strong bonds of a true friend. Sometimes, you have to run people you’ve labeled “friend” through a filter to realize what you truly have. This isn’t a bad thing because, in the end, you have a clearer understanding of the ones to value even more.

Follow Anita on Twitter: @Emranija

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