When A Star Dies…I See Life

Have you ever wondered what happens to a star in space in its last stage of non-existence? No? Well, you should. Nearly two weeks ago, Hubble Space Telescope released an extraordinary image of a planetary nebula* NGC 5189 (view the pic below). To read the Hubble article follow this link: NGC 5189

When I first saw this photo, I was awestruck and instantly drawn. (I even made it my screen saver at work!) It reminded me of how infinitesimal I really was in this world. It also reminded me that I shouldn’t harp on the little things in life, which lead to an internal examination of myself and life through the following questions:

• Why am I here/What’s my purpose?
• What really matters in my life?
• Who do I want to become?
• How can I change myself for the better?

Why am I here/What’s my purpose? – I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m here to serve others—to fully connect the lives of those around me. I know it’s a bit philosophical, but I always find myself being more concerned about others than myself. Don’t get me wrong: my happiness matters. I just think my life means more when I support others. Any further idea into my purpose is on God. Pure and simple.

What really matters in my life? – The three things that matter the most in my life is family, friends, and happiness. Firstly, I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for my mom, dad, brother, and son. My parents allowed me to be who I am and have encouraged me in the many phases of my life. Without that kind of love, I don’t think I would have the outlook that I do have today. My brother reminds me of my youth and all the different places we’ve lived. My son gave me a whole new perspective on life and gave me another reason to live. Despite the drama, the rest of my family has definitely given me unconditional truth, love, understanding, and a bond that is unique in this world. Even though I could trade a few family members, I wouldn’t trade my familial experience. Whoever said “You can’t pick your family, but you can choose your friends” was totally right! I’d like to think I have a skilled knack for choosing intelligent, witty, brutally honest, responsible (at times), wise, and the most awesomest friends. I wouldn’t trade any of my friends for the world. My life feels some more fuller, complete even, and meaningful when I have my friends in it. You can’t buy that kind of feeling. Thirdly there is happiness: I think this one speaks for itself. I live for it!

Who do I want to become? – I’ve wanted to be so many things in different points in my life. An actor, a PR agent, a writer, a student, a world traveler, a girlfriend, a wife, a counselor, a best friend, a millionaire, an author/writer, a good person, and a fantastic mother. Now, I’m in a chapter of my life where I’m comfortable with the woman who I am. However, I want to be more patient and less controlling of life. I want to be like my Army comrades who don’t let the little things weigh them down because they’ve faced death and know what it’s like to live everyday like it could be their last. I want to be more like my son, who laughs at everything and is comical in almost everything he does. I want to be like my 20-something friend: Love myself first and live everyday like it’s my last. I want to be like my cousin and his family: Begin moving to another country to start new adventures. I’m constantly inspired by those around me to better myself and I’m consistently receiving confirmation that I’m liked/loved for who I am. I just want to become a more focused—more improved—me. J

How can I change myself for the better? – That is a very good question. On a physical level, I decided two weeks ago that I needed to lose 20-30lbs—finally shred that baby weight that never seems to really go away. So, I devised a fitness routine and weekly meal planner to help me towards my goal. On a mental level, two years ago I was determined to read at least 20 minutes a day, no matter what it was: Internet articles, newspaper, magazines, street signs, or books. I like to think I keep up with that goal. Even if it isn’t 20 minutes a day, I have spurts where I’ll read a novel nonstop until I’m done (usually takes me a week). Also, I try to keep myself open when conversing with others, so I can try to learn something different. For some reason, I have an odd fascination for wanting to understand the human mind and why people are the way they are. It’s interesting. But I have to remind myself not to go too deep with it. On a spiritual level, I realize I need to pray and meditate more. Both help to clear my mind and give clarity to situations in my life.

My synopsis: If I don’t take myself too seriously, love myself first, cherish what really matters, and just enjoy life, I’ll be just fine.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2013 is your best year ever!

Enjoy!

XOXO—

Anita

The last stage of a star’s existence.